The Pain Free Life

The Death of a Marriage – Money, Family and Stress

For about 18 months things were pretty happy around our house. After about 18 months things started to change. We started doing things separately again. Kevin was spending every moment at home sitting in front of his computer. He wasn’t very helpful when I asked him if he could take Abbie to one of her after school activities.

His position at his job had changed from an hourly rate to base + commission. This made things very stressful. I was still in school and Kevin’s pay decreased by about 20%. This made a huge difference for us and caused a lot of stress on me as I was the one taking care of the bills.

About six months after Kevin’s huge pay cut, he changed jobs. He would make a lot more money and it would relieve the pressure of the bills that were piling up. Kevin had said this new company was very family oriented and had a better work life balance. What I experienced was Kevin having a reason to never be home. He went from sitting in front of his laptop most evenings to just not coming home until after 9 or 10 pm.

A couple months later we learned that Kevin’s uncle fell and broke his hip. After about a month kevin’s uncle came for a little bit, but his condition deteriorated and required him to be supervised so his uncle was placed in a nursing home. Kevin was named power of attorney. Normally this wouldn’t have been too bad because there are several family members that can help out, but it only takes one to cause problems.

We learned that Kevin’s aunt taking his uncle out of the nursing home to sign power of attorney over to her. She tried this twice. We are pretty convinced that she is after whatever money he has. She was also making appointments and changing appointments without telling anyone. At one point she had written to the prosecutor and accused Kevin of neglect. She also contact senior care and complained of neglect by Kevin.

By the time the aunt got to writing letters, we had been working with a Medicare attorney and Kevin was following his advice to the letter. We had everything documented and the attorney was working hard to keep Kevin’s uncle safe and from being a victim of left.

The issues we had with Kevin’s aunt causing problems lasted for two years. Jackie had told so many lies to the nursing home staff, to the attorneys, to the local police, everyone’s ears in the nursing home perked up when she showed up. She was so much of a problem that the attorney advised Kevin to apply for guardianship of his uncle.

In the midst of dealing with Kevin’s uncle, I had learned that my grandmother passed away. I flew out with our daughter. Kevin stayed at home. I knew I was going to have to deal with my mom by myself. My brother was much better at letting her words roll off his shoulders than I was. I understand that losing a parent is hard, but my mom was way over the top with her actions and comments to the point my brother and I were asking our aunt to talk with our mom.

That weekend of sad, stressful and fun all at the same time. Our daughter got to meet some of her second cousins. I got to reconnect with them. I also got to spend time with my brother. 

At the beginning of 2017 Kevin did another retreat. This time it was with a different organization. This one was much more intense. When he completed the first session he did 180 turn in regards to Jackie. He walked into the nursing with his arm around Jackie. The staff at the nursing home just about fell over.

The one thing Jackie was good at was taking care of Kevin’s uncle, but the families concern was what is Jackie going to steal from her brother. The family was really upset with Kevin. The family had been telling Kevin he shouldn’t be trusting Jackie. And about 3 months later the families fears came true. Jackie stole $6000 from her brother.

The loss of my grandmother, dealing with all the drama that was going on with Kevin’s aunt and uncle and Kevin never being home. I felt like a second fiddle. Kevin pretty much ignored Abbie. I got to the point of concentrating on our daughter and making sure she was happy.

After the first retreat Kevin went to he not only did a 180 in regards to his aunt, He told me he didn’t love me anymore. This was just the beginning. What he said to me after the second retreat, you could have knocked me over with a feather….